


Always on Your Mind

by Kuro (DarkestQuasar)



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: ??? - Freeform, Alien Biology, Alien Cultural Differences, Alien Culture, Allura being loved in every way possible, Consensual Incest, F/M, M/M, Memory Magic, Parent/Child Incest
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-29
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-03-11 05:35:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13517640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkestQuasar/pseuds/Kuro
Summary: Lance learns something about Allura's past that freaks him out. A lot. But the more he listens, the more he understands, and the more he tries to be as important as the most important person in her life.





	Always on Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr Crosspost: Tumblr

Lance breathes in deeply. Once, twice, twenty times. Then he inwardly counts to ten and wonders if he should even try to talk about this thing. This one, stupid thing. He is happy the way they are now. Everything's great – for the first time in a while, for the first time ever since they've been thrown into this mess, into the whole intergalactic war between Zarkon and everybody else. For the first time since they've been the chosen ones.

Everything is going fine. He has a very happy platonic relationship with his lion, and a very happy romantic relationship with Allura. … but still.

He feels her gaze on his back, judging, questioning; that gaze that pierces right through him, through his heart and soul. That gaze that nothing escapes. He knows that she knows that there is something he hasn't told her yet. And she knows that he knows that she knows … and so on. So he resumes counting, and as he finally reaches ten his palms are sweating. Quickly, he wipes them on his pants and turns around to gift her with one of his dazzling smiles. "Hey ... "

"There is something on your mind," she says without a moment of warning. Well. She knows him too well. And she looks at him – just as he feared – with that kind of gaze: brows raised a bit, blue eyes narrow and maybe judging, as if she's discovered something that she's unsure whether to call dangerous or not, whether it's a happy surprise or a bad one, arms not yet akimbo, but that is just a matter of time. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"What? Oh, uhm, nothing?" It sounds wrong to his own ears, as if she's caught him doing something forbidden. But thinking isn't forbidden, wondering himself isn't illegal, and laws in space can't be compared to those on earth anyway, right? … right? He sighs quietly and shakes his head."Listen, I ... we've known each other for a while now."

"Yes."

"And you know that I love you."

Her face softens a little, a smile tugs on her lips. The corners of her mouth twitch a little. "At least I hope so." She frowns then, her face serious, worried. "It's about us, isn't it? Something is wrong ... "

"What? No! No, no, no!" Lance gesticulates wildly, making defensive movements with his hands. "It's just that ... I mean ... " Well, okay, it _can't_ really get worse at this point, at most he absolutely embarrasses himself, but that's nothing new and it would maybe make Allura stop looking at him like _this_ , this unsure of herself, of them, of everything. So, well, he should just spit it out, right? Be a man, right? He sighs again. "We've done a lot of couple things. I- I mean ... "

"The kissing?"

"And the hand holding. And the hugs. I- I like the hugs, don't get me wrong, the hugs are great. It's just that I ... I wonder if we've reached third base yet. I mean. The one where we do more than kiss and hug, and I can see that you want to laugh at me, I can see it in your eyes, please don't laugh, that wouldn't be nice." His voice grows more and more quiet with every word he says, and he feels his shoulders sag a little, a giant weight suddenly placed on them. Did he say something wrong? Something completely stupid? Crossed some unwritten line, made fun of some Altean law nobody ever told him about? Aren't they biologically compatible at all? Oh, that's it, right? Allura is different from him, with different body parts and slots to have some tabs stuck in, or maybe _she_ has the tabs and Lance lacks the appropriate slots, and this is why she thinks it's so funny that Lance wants … _more_

"Sex."

"What? I mean, yes, thank you, but ... wait, no I didn't mean. I ... "

Now she really is laughing, maybe even at him, but she's doing it the way he fell in love with – holding her hand in front of her mouth to subdue some of her giggles, while laugh lines form around her eyes. „Lance,“ she says the way he fell in love with, too, and smiles warmly. "If you are too immature enough to say the word 'sex', then maybe you are too immature to have it."

"I ... "

"So, Lance. Let's try it again. Do you want to have sex with me?"

Oh, wow. There it is. The multimillion GAC question. Should he say yes, he might have to live with her being insulted if she doesn't want to take their relationship that far yet. Or she might see him once more as the brainless flirt that he was – no, that he is, because flirting is fun, and every girl is pretty in her own way, every girl should be cherished in her own way – before he fell head over heels in love with her. Should he say no, then … well, then what? Will she be angry because she might fear he doesn't want her that way? But he does. Want her. With every fibre of his being. As cheesy as it might sound, as annoying as it is, but his heart always starts beating incredibly fast whenever she is close to him, his mind is always a little clouded when she looks at him. Like she does now, even though she seems to be confused and impatient because she's still waiting for an answer. … oh. Yeah. Answer. He completely forgot about that.

So Lance takes another deep breath and gathers up all of his courage:

"Yes. I want to. Have sex with you. I mean, only if you want to. If you're ready. If you're not, that's totally fine with me. Like, this is our first time, it needs to be great. I mean, it's my first time, and I want it to be great, and I assume it's yours as well, so it needs to be double good." She raises her brows and he stumbles over his words. "I-I mean, if it's not your first time that's totally cool, either, I like experienced women, I mean, I'm not judging, I'm just a little worried I can compete, because what if it's not your first time and you're used to someone experienced, because I'm not and I hope that's okay, because I want you to be happy and the sex thing to be great and - why are you laughing? You're not laughing at me, are you? Please tell me you aren't. Please."

"Lance. Lance, no. I'm not. I'm - please stop looking at me like that." She extends a hand to gently place it on his shoulder, brushing over it and then over the back of his neck, making him shiver in delight. "It's all right with me. We are fine and will be fine. Does that sound all right for you?"

He hastily nods and smiles sheepishly, tilting his head a little to nuzzle his cheek against her palm. "I'll do my best. I promise."

"I know. You always do."

Her eyes are gentle and her smile is loving, and that is all that counts. That should be all. But Lance is a man, a young one, and his thoughts are racing because he has noticed that she hasn't answered his question. Has she evaded it or is there simply nothing to say at all? He had no idea, but he is a man and obviously hates himself a lot, so he simply _has_ to ask: "Is it going to be your first time, too?"

He is scared of the answer, scared of having a rival – one or more –, but he is very sure that, at least, it hasn't been anybody that he knows – and it can't have been Keith and that is the most important thing. That, at least in this situation, he's not just Keith's shadow, the one who follows his footsteps without ever catching up to him. It has always been like this, he's only become a fighter pilot because Keith has been kicked out, he's only become the Red Paladin because Keith is even better now, even more important, but this single thing is _his_ and his alone –, it would have been someone she's known from back then, from Altea. Ten thousand years ago. Someone who has been dead for a long while … and that might even be worse, having a rivalry with a dead person, someone her heart and mind will never be able to forget.

He really hopes she says no. Not because he doesn't her to have a comparison. Not because he wants her to never have loved anybody else. She is wonderful and deserves all the love the universe can give her. However, he is – as stated before – simply fucking afraid.

So it just seems fitting for her to hesitate for a second and smile uneasily before she says: "No. I have had sex before."

And because, sometimes, the universe is a giant piece of shit, she says then: "Once. With my father."

 


End file.
